the dark goddess & diwali

I have not posted for quite some time...and if you keep reading you will know why....as I slowly emerge from the Underworld.

***** This BLOG is long...and I desire deeply to share from my heart how I am slowly coming back to life.

Today, in various regions of India (and the world), Diwali begins as a celebration of Light over darkness. The Light is consciousness. It is love. It is our divinity, our soul. It is the Divine Mother’s energy.

Through the Divine Mother’s blessings, we experience the illumination of our soul.

Diwali starts on the new moon, and like the time before creation, everything is dark. The void...where there is nothing and everything.

The new moon represents the vast potential of a new cycle. During this time when the sky is dark, there is a natural tendency to go inward and self-reflect.

The Dark Goddess helps with this process of going inward, of nudging us to choose Light - she supports us to FEED our demons towards Light. This aspect of the goddess is found in ALL traditions, all over the world.

However, in modern times/cultures (for thousands of years now), she has been pushed away as something to fear, something we no longer accept.

She has been demonized and this relationship with her is something we have internalized.

We are taught to stay BUSY, keep her away. Do not feel. Do not pause. Do not allow for "negativity."

It takes A LOT to keep her energy at bay if we keep going around and around HER.

Dark Goddess is in our bodies, we know and trust her, on a deep level, and yet she is unfamiliar and even pushed away.

It is only in our communion with HER in our heart that we find our way back to the throne of our inner guide.

When we willingly move closer to the Dark Goddess we move closer to ourselves and to life itself.

We do not have to fear her - she is not a taboo. Rather she helps us to become unmade so we can we become TRUTH.

The gift of moving closer to her is moving closer to reality and that opens us to a connection and meaning that is deeper than we have ever known. She welcomes us to the LIGHT as we dance our way through the dark.

She is HOLY and askes us to face the mirror to see the same in us.

She is a dynamic, creative, and healing force that is beyond the physical. This force is characterized by receptivity, presence, kindness, and self-compassion.

She nurtures and loves without boundaries. She requests all patterns be known.

Alternatively, she is also chaotic, emotional, wild, and free. She is an oracle in a time beyond time.

She is fluid and doesn’t like to be contained. Given enough time water always breaks free of its boundaries. When we sink into her - we are back at the new moon - the void - the origin of WHO WE ARE.

I am so thankful to the Dark Goddess for giving me this past many moons to flow towards an end more wild...

When I came back to the US after living in Mexico for 6 months, I came back into a space of despair, inner chaos, and a deep knowing that I needed to be more sincere in my seeking of Light.
I felt disconnected from myself, fragile, disassociated from my inner child, and empty.

The dark night of the soul was back, and the journey to the Underworld was calling, except this time it was the Path of the Goddess.

I NEEDED TO DESCEND TO ASCEND...because my power in life, in beauty, joy, did not FEEL rooted anymore.

I had shifted in many ways since my initial awakening, and yet my "personality" was starting to become dependent on pushing parts of myself away, ignoring patterns that were emerging...

I knew I had to meet her (the dark goddess) for REAL - willingly. She was calling me ...and there was no way out. The easier path is to allow her to lead me.

She is ME.

The main purpose of the dark night of the soul with the dark goddess is not at all to attain something. There is no quick solution or insight.

Rather, there's a certain consciousness — an awareness.

We are initiated into a certain kind of wisdom that cannot be observed from the surface.

We cannot think our way through it. It is a full-body organic process that has many phases where it looks like NOTHING is happening.

It is lonely and scary - because so much of my "enlightened framework" from my past healing journey no longer applies.

The whole point of a dark night of the soul with the Goddess is not knowing. We are making a new map.

If we were aware of what was going on, we would disrupt or sabotage the process. We need to not know to get through it while allowing it to run its course and surrender fully to the Dark Goddess

I have learned that the greatest wisdom of my existence does not lie in some ancient cave somewhere in the world but resides within me.

I devoted time to my clients, my healing, my womb, and my heart as I went into the Underworld these last few months.

I was (still am) intentional in where I put my energy.

I also discovered that the more I rested on the comfort of my inner knowing the more I rejuvenated my starving cells with love with the permission to just be.

Radical rest in the initiation with ALL of me.

The more I gave myself the permission to do nothing, the more I realized that nothingness was my own quest to myself.

Trust that everything is timing and timing is everything and know that we are exactly where we are all meant to be.

I also know that I cannot stay in the underworld. This is not the purpose, rather it is to ascend again with the LIGHT that is no longer amputated.

If you haven’t discovered the wisdom in that, look again…

Happy Diwali, dear one. May we each grow our Light, and know we are everything and nothing.

May we be congruent and conscious in our knowledge of the many blessings on the Path.

May this LIGHT of Diwali allow us to turn ourselves to the cold and hidden parts, welcome them and allow the homecoming to be rooted in the Divine Mother - who is both the Dark and the Light.

LOVE to you.

Priya